More to come

MORE TALES OF A HAPPY FAT GIRL COMING IN THE NEW YEAR

How to travel like a HFG

So every one knows that going to the airport as a fat person can be the biggest hassle in the world especially with the airlines trying to charge us extra for everything. Heck, even traveling like a skinny person these days can be awful, so how do you stay positive in the hell that is the airport.

• Get your ticket in order- Pre-print your boarding pass so all you have to do is check in and certain airlines well let you pick your seat when you buy your ticket, which is great because you can pick a good seat. I love the emergency row cause you will have a lot more leg room and space to maneuver around.
• Take the red eye- If you don't mind traveling at night take the red eye flight because there are less chances of the flight being overbooked and more chances for you to get another seat just for yourself. One time I got a whole row to myself and I stretched out the whole flight and slept.
• Ask for the seat belt extender- I know for some people you may get embarrassed to ask for the seat belt extender so what I recommend is asking the stewardess for it before you sit down. Safety first, plus a really cool stewardess will know how to slip it to you real slick like and no one will notice.
  
• Get to the airport early- I know waiting around the airport for a couple of hours is no ones idea of fun but if you get there early enough you can grab something to eat, which will probably be way better than the airline food. You can pick up a good magazine or book to read on the flight. Also if your gate is far from your ticket counter, you can take a stroll instead of a jog to get there. Plus people watching at the airport is awesome especially if you are in a big one like MIA.
  
• Bring technology- MP3 player, laptop, PSP, Portable DVD player, whatever can distract you from the the craziness of traveling. Believe me it helps.
  
• Have Fun- If you are going somewhere new or even if it's just to Grandma's house you are going some where different, enjoy the time away from your everyday routine.
  

The most important tip I can give you from all this is not to sweat the small stuff, if you take it all in stride you will see how great you traveling experience can be.

How to be a Healthy HFG

Okay, now I know most people think being healthy and fat do not go together but even fat girls can take steps to make themselves healthier that don't involve massive dieting and exercise. Becoming healthy is easy if you look at it from a positive view point instead of the traditional method of doctors telling you all the wonderful diseases you will die from if you don't lose weight. Does this sound familiar? "So if you don't lose weight Ms. Mateo you run the risk of having high blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems,thunder thighs, big ass-itis, death, etc." Hey doc, how about some positive reinforcement? So in a sometimes cruel and punishing world where being overweight is worse then being a terrorist, where doughnuts have become weapons of mass destruction, where being a size 00 is epitome of beauty (insert music from the world smallest violin) how can a fat girl stay happy and healthy? Here are a few tips that have worked for me. I don't have high blood pressure, which runs in my family. I am not pre-diabetic, which runs rampant in both sides my family. All I have is asthma but I have had that all my life and now I get an attack maybe twice a year. So I am pretty healthy and I never let my weight keep me down.

• Drink water. I don't drink anything expect for water. I don't drink coffee or soda. I barely drink juice or iced tea and I really have to be in the mood for it. I drink so much water that I can taste the differences in the water almost like a Sommelier can taste every flavor in a fine wine. Now I know your thinking there is no way you can just drink water but think of it this way all the calories you get from those sugary or caffeinated drinks can be better spent on good dessert, like a piece of pie. My challenge to you today is to replace one sugary drink with a big glass of water and you will see how much better you will feel after.
• Eat breakfast. I can not stress this one enough. See most people look at fat folks and think we stuff our face all day but the truth of the matter is often we skip meals like breakfast and sometimes even lunch thinking the less we eat the better. The truth is the more you eat the better, most doctors will tell you five small meals a day can give your metabolism a boost. You probably don't have time to eat five times a day but if you can manage to eat at least breakfast, lunch, and dinner you are golden.
• Sleep more. Studies show that adult female needs at least seven hours of sleep a day so if your not getting that you need to at least try for 6. You can take a twenty minute cat-nap to recuperate some of that time but still need to get your seven hours. Try to get on a sleep schedule and don't eat anything an hour before you go to bed. Sleep is very important because how can you be at your very best if you are tired.
  
• Eat brown. I'm talking whole wheat bread, whole wheat pasta, sweet potatoes, and brown rice. This one can be a toughie because sometimes whole wheat can taste like cardboard but if you find the right brand of whole wheat bread it can be good. I like Nature's Own. One of my favorite treats is sweet potato mashed potatoes. I make mine like you would make traditional mashed potatoes with butter and milk. Simply delicious.
  
• Get Wii Fit. I just tried this game out and it was great. I had so much fun and I was sore the next day like I had done a 30 minute aerobics class. You need to exercise so why not have fun doing it and if you can have your friends do it with you even better.
  
• Dance. If you can't afford a Wii Fit put on some music and dance. Go crazy and move your tucchus (that means butt for us gentiles). You will burn calories and have fun.
• Take a walk. No speed walking, I'm talking a nice stroll around the neighborhood. Get to know it well. If you live in a city, check out all the stores and restaurants around you. If you live in a suburb, look at the houses and the people in your neighborhood. If you live in a rural area, take a look at the wildlife and nature around you. Try to do this at least a couple times a week and you will see how different you feel.

Yes we need to be healthy but being healthy is not all about a number on a scale. The only numbers that should matter are you blood sugar level and your blood pressure. All these tips I given you are lifestyle changes that can help you feel better in the long run. None of these tips are about crash dieting or even about restricting yourself because how can you a HFG if you are starving. Lastly, the most important tip I could ever give you is accept yourself as you are because you are more willing to take care of a person you love.

Albums every HFG must have

I love music. I mean, I really love music. I can't imagine my life without it. I wake up in the morning with music running through my head and the soundtrack continues all day. Music is one way I remain a Happy Fat Girl. So here are a few albums I feel like every HFG should have to make their lives just a little brighter.

• I have to start off of course with the incomparable Ms. Jill Scott, who is the spokes-person for being an HFG. Who is Jill Scott? is one of my favorite albums and even if you aren't a fan of neo-soul you will find something you like on this album. I can guarantee it. Jill Scott's melodic voice and poetic soul simply makes life just a little easier.
• As much as I hate to admit this Beyonce Knowles B-Day is a must for HFG. Her music makes you feel good and the beats just make you want to dance. As I said before listening to"Get Me Bodied" can put that sexy strut in your walk.
  
• Even though Amy Winehouse is a hot mess, you can not deny that she makes some great music. Back to Black is testament to the talent and fierceness of Ms. Winehouse. I listen to "You know I'm No good" on those days I am feeling a little mischievous and I want to cause a little mayhem. Even a Happy Fat Girl has her naughty days ;) .
• Coming out of her Dirrty X-tina days, Christina Aguilera step back on to the scene with a Big Band, Jazz pop sensation entitled Back to Basics. You can help but love this album it makes you want to put on cute little dress and swing dance the night away.
• Okay my rocker chicks there is a little something for you in this list. I love The Veronicas album Hook Me Up with it's electro-pop beats it's kinda of hard no to rock out to the track "Take Me on the Floor". The Australian pop-rock duo has the right mix pop beats with a nice hard edge of rock.
  
• For my older HFG's, yes you can be a HFG at any age, you must go out there and by at least one Al Green album. You can't listen to Al Green without a smile on your face. Try it I dare you.
• Now every HFG needs so baby-making music to get her in the mood and nobody does that better then Robin Thicke. I bet that man is single-handedly responsible for the population boom in recent years with his album The Evolution of Robin Thicke. Listen to the the track "I need love" and you will know what I am talking about.
  

Take some time today to buy or download one of these albums, grab your mp3 or CD player and let the music take you away. Dance and sign along because that is the joie de vivre.

R.I.P MICHAEL JACKSON
KING OF POP
YOU WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED

How to be a HFG on the beach

Summer is upon us and for most Fat girls this is a dreaded season. First you have to contend with the heat and lord knows heat is not a friend of the Fat girl. Then to make matters worse everyone expects you to go to the pool, lake, beach etc. So you have to go shopping for a bathing suit, which we all know is a chore because the selection available of bathing suits for Fat girls look like something most grandma's wouldn't wear.

Does this ring a bell:


I don't think even Angeline Jolie can make this look sexy. With all the odds stack against us how can we make the best of Summer and remain a HFG.

Well here are some surefire tips that will make Summer your favorite season.

• Find a good plus size woman's store. Now I can't stress this enough for the love of Yeshiva do not go to Bryant of Lane (you know what I'm talking about). Their collection is just sad and hella expensive. Go to the Ashely Stewart's, Rainbow, Dots, Torrid, Avenue, Cato, and even Walmart is coming up with some pretty good alternatives.
• Buy a really cute suit something that accentuate the boobs and yes the posterior. We minorities know the value of the a** and believe me a big one can be a really good thing. Be daring, if you find a suit that you like but you think you're to big to wear it, buy it.
• Buy a really comfy beach chair and an umbrella. It is too hot to be sitting on the sand and without shade. While I stress buying red clothing, looking like a lobster is not cute. So if your prone to burning please find some shade and some really good sunblock.
  
• Pack a cooler with some good food or if your Fat posse is with you bring grill to bar-b-que and have a party. Good food+Good friends=HFG
• Get in the water and swim. If you don't know how to take this summer to learn . It a very important skill to have and you may never know when you may need it. I love swimming because I feel weightless and free. It's a great feeling.
• Find a really good book or bring your MP3 and just veg out. Forget about everything and just enjoy the day.
  

Summer is at time of abundance and renewal so make a pledge to yourself that this summer will be the best of your life. Let go of all those negative thoughts that keep you from enjoying yourself and just be happy.

Tips on becoming a Happy Fat Girl

Now that you know a little about me and my tramas (troubles and drama) I think it's high time I let you in on the secret to being a Happy Fat Girl. Here are some tips I think will help you on your quest to becoming a HFG.

• Laugh your a** off every chance you get. Do it often and do it loudly. It will keep you looking and feeling young.
• Once a week dance around your room naked. Put on some music and let that jelly jiggle. Just be careful not to knock things over, trust me I speak from experience.
• Buy a great bra. Being a Fat girl means God gave you great rack now all you need is the right frame work to show off his masterpiece. Remember there are people buying what you were blessed with naturally.
• When walking down the street, strut. I find if I sing "Stayin alive" by the Bee Gees or Beyonce's "Get me bodied" in my head my body just starts strutting on it's own accord. It really works, try it.
• Speak your mind. Now this little tip is tricky because at first people may give you grief because you are too blunt but after a while people will appreciate your honesty and start asking for your advice. Life is too short to have to watch every little thing you say.
• Order dessert when you go out. You don't have to eat the whole thing but if you want it go for it. Don't hold back. Just remember everything in moderation.
  
• Buy some bright, bold clothing. I am talking pink, yellow, and red clothing. Let the world see you.
  
• Get a pair of Cha Cha heels. If the drag queens can rock'em so should you!
  
• Find a Fat posse. This is a group of friends that support you in all that you do. Now thin people are allowed in the Fat posse as long as they are Fat-friendly. That means no negativity or recommending a diet and the minute the ask you if they look fat in something kick them out.

These are just a few tips to being a HFG that are tried and tested methods that have worked for me. The most important rule to remember is as long as you are secure in who you are, life will be much easier. I found this quote from Marianne Williamson which I found really helps to inspire me:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Take these words and show the world just who you are.

Fabulous and Thick

Now that you have heard my tragic story of how my fat girl cherry was popped. Here is the story about how I became a Happy Fat Girl. So after getting through elementary and middle school with lots of scrapes and bruises because I didn't take people teasing lying down. I was an angry fat girl and I figured to quote the Fabulous Ms. Mo'Nique if I couldn't be a stick, baby I could be a stone.

I had escaped all the kids I went to school with by going to a magnet school in the suburbs but after getting really sick and having to drop out of the program I ended back in my home school with all my tormentors. After my mom registered me I literally cried the whole way home. The thought of having to face all again was just too much and the worse part was my best friends were at my other school so I had lost my Fat posse. FYI: A Fat posse is a group of true friends that always have your back and see nothing wrong with good buffet. For the first couple of weeks I was like the walking dead. I hated being there and it didn't take long before I had to deal with Fat girl moments every where I turned. My personal favorite is when a group of boys would make elephant sounds I walked by in the halls. (Boom, Boom, Boom)

My only solace was my journalism class with my favorite teacher, Ms. E. She was an ex-hippie who really liked working in a inner city school and she didn't care that she was one of the few white teachers on staff. She always encourage me to write what I felt and she let me have full reign on the op/ed page. In her class I got my confidence back and I became more acclimated to school. The topping on the cake was I convinced my best friends to transfer schools so I had my Fat posse again. I was doing pretty good, I mean I still had to deal with crap but it looked like it might be slowing down.

Then one day it happen I had the ultimate Fat girl moment that lead to the biggest catalyst of my life. After brutal incident involving a kid kicking my chair from under me and making me crash to the floor all while making a crashing sound, I lost it. So I ran to my journalism class to seek some solace and thats when Ms. E suggested I write about how all the teasing and ridicule made me feel. I looked at her like she was crazy. She wanted me to put my feelings out there so that they could more ammo against me. Then she told me a big secret about herself and she offered to write a piece about her own experiences anonymously, of course. So I did it. I wrote about how hard it was to be myself when everyone else made sure to make me feel like a freak. I mean I was just Fat and no amount of teasing was gonna change that and when it was all said and done they were missing out on a pretty awesome person because they couldn't see pass the weight.

One week later the article came out and as I was walking down the hallways of school I noticed everyone reading the paper. I guess what helped is that right next to my article was a story about being gay in high school written anonymously, of course. When I walked into my first class of the morning I was greeted with applause. I was freaking shocked. All day people kept telling me how much they liked my piece and that they didn't know how I felt. It was crazy, I even had people tell me their own stories about being picked on. That day I went home and I took a long look in the mirror and realized that need to do what I wrote in that article. I needed to love me , all of me and to accept the fact that I am a Fat girl and I am better for it. After that the teasing pretty much stopped and I became the Happy Fat Girl everyone knows today.

The moment my fat girl cherry was popped

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I wasn't always a fat girl for at least eight years of my life I was actually a skinny little thing, all elbows and knees. Then I got really sick with asthma and the doctors suggested that I go on a wonderful little drug called Prednisone. While Prednisone is very effective at relieving asthma symptoms it has one awful side effect, weight gain and gain I did. In the span of three months I gained about twenty five pounds and my face got swollen and puffy. So the skinny little girl was gone and what was left in place was a sick little puffy girl.

The kids at school had no idea what was going on with me. What eight year old can comprehend that the reason I was getting fat was because I was sick. All they saw was me getting bigger everyday and not being able to play with them anymore. They didn't understand that running hurt my chest or that rolling around in the mud might make me susceptible to a bad infection that my already weaken immune system couldn't handle. So instead of competing in hula hoop competitions or kick ball tournaments I was reading everything I could get my hands on and acting in the school play.

Up to this moment I had yet experienced what I like to call fat girl moment. A fat girl moment is when you realize just how fat you are either through your own recognition or someone being ever so kind to point it out to you. *insert sarcasm here* So my first fat girl moment came quite unexpectedly and was something straight out of those most embarrassing moments ever pages you see in most woman's magazines. Brace yourselves this is not a pretty moment.

I remember the day clearly just like most WWII vets can remember D-Day, most Baby Boomers can remember the day The Beatles performed on The Ed Sullivan Show, or the day the Berlin wall fell for most Gen X'ers. Yeah, I remember it that clearly. I have to say it probably is one of the most defining moments of my life. I remember it was raining that day because my teacher had to keep asking us to pay attention to the board and to stop looking out the window. I felt really sleepy because the sound of rain always makes me sleepy. We were doing math problems and my teacher asked me to come to the board. I can even remember the problem clearly 16 x 8 because I have never liked math and I was a little nervous going up to the board. As I approach the board I heard the class tittering, which made me even more nervous. I got the board, picked the chalk up, pressed it to the board and of course it broke apart and fell out of my hand on to the floor. I think you can see where I am going with this. My teacher tells me to bend down and pick up the chalk and when I do, my pants rip. That right folks my pants ripped right in front of my whole class.

While I was still bent down I heard it, my first fat girl moment, while the class was laughing someone shouted "Look at her fat ass". As I straighten back up I heard the teacher chastise the whole class and all could do was stand with my back to the class holding the chalk to the board. The teacher told me it was okay and that she would take me to the office to call my mom. What my teacher didn't know is I come from a proud people and I wasn't leaving that board until that problem was solved. So I stood up straight and got the business of solving the problem. The answer was 128 and all it took to get the answer was a pair of ripped pants and the lost of my fat girl innocence.